A few days after my birthday, Pnut started getting sick. Initially with fever, then his temperature dropped. He was confined and later diagnosed with liver disease. I knew from experience that liver disease is fatal, but I was hoping against hope that Pnut will get well and go back to his normal, energetic self.
|I was so happy he was discharged from the clinic shortly after my birthday,|
it was the best post-birthday gift EVER!
I was prepared to do everything to make the sickness go away, he had all the meds and an on-call vet at his disposal. Although at this point, I feel like I should have done more.
Last Tuesday (the night before Pnut passed), I was advised by the vet that his condition is viral and may infect the other dogs. Before retiring for the night, I said goodbye to Pnut while he was still in his kennel. He woke up from his slumber, looked at me, wagged his tail and crawled towards me. He usually does this when he wants to sleep in my room. I obliged. To hell with the doctor's orders, he's sleeping beside me tonight.
That night, as with every night since the diagnosis, Pnut would wake up every so often, restless and always shifting positions. I'd wake as well, gently rub his big tummy and kiss him on the head. "Everything's going to be alright, Mommy loves you," I'd whisper several times through the night. "It's okay, Pnut." I always prayed that Pnut would make it til the morning. Every day there is hope. And I'd be thankful that before I leave for work, I've given Pnut his meds.
Come Wednesday morning, I wasn't feeling too hopeful. I was exhausted as well since I was getting only about 2-3 hours of sleep per night. I cried while patting him on the head and asked my Mom, "Mom, is Pnut going to die?" At the back of my head, I was scared and I felt the end was near.
By 4:16pm, our helper called me on my mobile and said that Pnut looked like he was having a seizure. Immediately, I left the office and my sister (who was also in the Makati area) drove me home. Our helper was giving me updates every few minutes, which I appreciated but also increased my stress levels even more. I was also coordinating with the vet who was on her way from Trinoma.
By 5:00pm, while we were stuck in Nagtahan traffic, I got the news that Pnut has suffered a cardiac arrest and passed away. The vet got there in time, tried to revive him as there was still a faint heartbeat, but the disease proved to be too much for my little man. He passed away.
We arrived at 6:00pm, we were too late, and I felt so guilty because I wasn't there to comfort him during the ordeal. What if I stayed home that day, would it have made a difference? If I brought him to the animal hospital, would he have survived? Did he experience any pain at all? Could my presence have at least alleviated it? There are so many questions...
My best friend, Tony, asked me if I was able to say goodbye. I'd like to think that I did. I spoke to Pnut every night, I'd tell him it was okay and reassured him that I loved him so much and I would do anything for him. But now, I'm not so sure. My greatest regret was not being there for him when he needed me the most.
|Pnut's sleeping area has now been cleaned and disinfected.|
It looks so bare, it just makes me more sad :(
And you know what, that's what hurts the most. Pnut was my best friend, he was family. I always knew he was special. You love someone so much -- from your core -- and it's still taken away from you. It's not right. It's not fair. It hurts so much.
And thank you most especially to my sister, Tish, who was my angel yesterday. She drove as fast as she could, hoping we could reach home in time.
|Pnut: May 23, 2003 - October 23, 2013|
This year's greatest lesson for me was to learn to let go. But I don't think I'm ready for that just yet....I love you, Pnut. I miss you every day. Why did you have to leave me? :'(
This is an interesting read for senior dog pet owners regarding stomach bloating. Apparently, Pnut has been showing signs of bloat-stomach torsion years before, and we thought it was just the B-Complex deficiency in Chihuahuas. Always monitor your pet's eating habits and go to a specialist if necessary.
Click here: "Bloat: The Mother of all emergencies"